Transcript
WEBVTT
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Picture this.
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You pull up the latest viral story on your phone.
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Maybe it's a celebrity caught in a social media feud or a politician whose private messages expose deeply held secrets.
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We devour these stories with a morbid fascination.
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There's a fall from grace, there's exposure, there's a public outcry.
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It's a stark reminder that privacy is a precious thing.
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And that a lack of boundaries can have devastating consequences.
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Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage.
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I'm Natalie.
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I'm Brian.
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You hear us say this every podcast, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, grab a coffee, grab a tea, a snack, some popcorn, cozy blanket.
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We're so glad you joined us for our chat today.
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Absolutely.
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Today we are actually going back to a that we've discussed briefly, briefly discussed.
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We had two episodes in our very first season a long time ago, uh, on boundaries in particular, and we're going to be discussing, uh, today, a deeper dive into boundaries and going a lot further and the different types.
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So we talked about physical and emotional, um, And we want to get really deep into this'cause we have some topics coming up.
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We have, uh, some counselors that we're gonna be bringing on onto the, the episode or our, sorry, onto the podcast just to have a chat with us about boundaries in regarding children, um, moving forward.
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So we have some really good things going on.
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We have been away.
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Uh, I know it's been a long time since we've had a podcast, but we've January.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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We, uh, we had a
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lot happen.
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Yeah, we had a lot happen.
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So.
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Right after our last podcast, the end of January,
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near the end of January, we were getting ready.
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The week that we would have recorded, we would, we had
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to put our dog down.
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So if you're a dog person, we had a golden retriever.
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Her name is Molly.
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And, uh, she just had a really aggressive nasal cancer.
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And so the prognosis was quite grim, actually, by the time that we had found out, um, he, she was supposed to have been gone long before she did.
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And so I'm so grateful to God for answering our prayers and the kids prayers for sustaining her over Christmas.
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That was kind of the big thing was.
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Please let her not die over Christmas.
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Yeah.
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And, and I didn't want her to die here because that's just traumatizing.
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So,
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and then in the middle of all that, um, we had right after that happened, the play, we had to play.
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You went to Mexico before the play.
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That's
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right.
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I had to go to Mexico.
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We have about 10 churches in Mexico that our church in Canada has planted over the last 30 years.
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And so, um, my lead pastor and I had to go down and make a trip to Mexico.
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just to connect with all the pastors after COVID.
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And then we had the play come up, which is two weeks of just consistent every evening, every day, all day it's intense.
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And so, uh, with six performances or five performances and then tech week before that, and then church, and then we got into Easter and baptisms and it's just been a really busy time, but we're back.
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Yes.
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Oh my word.
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Long story short, we've had a lot go on in the last two months.
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And we, I didn't want to know that Brian as well, just don't want to put out content for the sake of shoot our week is here.
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We really want to make sure that we spend some time thinking about it, talking it through, praying about it so that it's.
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It's, um, valuable to you listeners.
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So in a nutshell,
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that's been the last of well, so we want to talk about, uh, boundaries and marriages and boundaries and relationships.
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And some of the things we're going to be talking about today are going to be tools in your toolbox that we will be good for more than just your marriage.
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But we are going to focus on the marriage cause we're a relationship podcast and that's where we want to go with this.
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And so, um, There is a reason that there are boundaries and there's a reason that there's a thousand books on boundaries, Christian books, non Christian books that there is just so much content.
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There's about boundaries.
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There's a reason because what the one person who doesn't want a healthy boundary is the one that struggles with boundaries.
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I would agree.
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The one that wants to put a boundary on it generally is doing it for good reasons, like healthy reasons and less trying or at least trying to, there is such thing as, as unhealthy manipulative boundaries that people are putting in place to get to control you, to get you to do certain things.
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But that's not where we want to go today.
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Today we want to talk about healthy marriages need to have boundaries and healthy boundaries.
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And the reason being is that those will protect the relationship.
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Okay.
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So they'll protect the well being of the, of the marriage.
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They'll protect the connection to each other and that connection to your children.
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If you happen to have children,
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exactly.
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I think about it like you're building a fence
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right
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around your house, and it's not You To shut myself out from whatever's beyond the fence.
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Yeah.
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But it really is to define my personal space.
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Yeah.
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Um, and it's up to me to decide what I choose to let in and who I choose to let in and who and what I choose to keep out.
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Right.
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And if you like, if you look at any.
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Um, type of where you're going to grow the most.
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There's stability, there's, there's, uh, security, there's a direction you need to go.
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So boundaries, they really are there to just help you grow and they help you change and they help you do that within the safety of the specific rules, specific parameters.
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Exactly.
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Right.
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And so I just
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thought of this.
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It's, it's like, you know, when you're in a garden and there, there are weeds and weeds will grow anywhere.
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Yeah.
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Right.
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Right.
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Toxic people, unhealthy people will be everywhere in surrounding us in our lives.
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We and they will definitely choke out the good growth and the good progress and the good decisions that you're making if you're not careful.
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Right.
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So when we think of boundaries, we're essentially doing a weeding of our own, um,
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Right.
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And we'll get into sort of, we'll break it down.
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I hope that made sense.
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It does make sense.
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Absolutely.
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And so you're looking at like, we, there, this is the way that, um, I've been using it the last a while is that boundaries are like guardrails on a mountain road.
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They prevent you from creating off course during the tough times.
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Like we live in a mountainous region and I, there's one section.
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And Um, where there's, um, what are they called vineyards?
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Oh my Lord.
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I didn't know what you were trying to say.
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So I couldn't help you,
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uh, up on a ridge
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and
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the road to get there is a little sketchy.
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Part of it has somewhat of a guardrail.
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And when you think like you're climbing the mountain, doing switchbacks on the road and it's literally one lane up, one lane down and it's really narrow.
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There is a huge section where there is absolutely no protection from the edge.
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Yes.
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And it is so incredibly nerve wracking.
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It doesn't matter how many times I drive it, I'm, it's scary and I'm holding my breath for part of it because there are no guardrails.
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I really learned to appreciate the roads that have the guardrails.
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Yeah.
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You're, you're also the person that as I'm driving and I get near, uh, Uh, a truck that has logs on the back.
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They are like, Brian, speed up, Brian, Brian, speed up.
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I don't want to be next.
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Brian, speed up.
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Well,
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I don't like it.
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I know you don't like it behind a semi truck.
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I don't like being beside a semi truck.
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I know.
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It's really funny because I'm moving, I'm actually moving quickly, but you're still like, no, no, no, we can't be here.
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Exactly.
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We're, I'm creating boundaries between myself and unsafe situations.
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I, do you see what I did there?
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I see what you did there.
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Right.
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And so we, there are different types of boundaries.
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You want to start going through them?
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Yeah.
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Sure.
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I mean, as we're going through the list, we might forget one or we might not have even thought of one.
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So if you're hearing us go through this and you're like, gosh, they didn't talk about this.
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Uh, please let us know because this is not,
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so here's, here's, here's the thing.
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We want to lay the foundation for these.
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These are some, some, the types of boundaries.
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The reason for the boundaries is because they provide guardrails, but they also help you to.
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Okay.
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Cultivate, uh, a relationship of trust, of love, of care, of maturity, stability, security.
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Um, all of those things, those things are important in the relationship.
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And so that's what a boundary does.
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A boundary isn't to manipulate control to, to get them to do what you want.
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And we'll talk about that some as we move forward.
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And, and just a precursor, some of these ones.
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Oh, like as we were going through them really felt like they needed to be a separate or not a separate, but like we needed to create a podcast specifically on certain ones.
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So, uh, we'll let you know about that.
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All right.
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First one, physical boundaries.
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Yeah.
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So, I mean, you might be like, well, what is that?
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That is essentially respecting personal space and, uh, being comfortable, my being able to articulate my comfort in, you know, Um, how you're touching me, physical touch plays a part of it.
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It's not just, you know, we do the five love languages and physical touch and everyone just assumes that that just means sexual contact and, uh, it doesn't.
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Yeah.
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It's funny because as soon as you mentioned intimacy anywhere, they're all, they mean sex because I really a hundred percent believe that the world has taken what God created for good sex, which is between men and women to be good and healthy and whole.
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Yeah.
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He
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took that and the world's perverted it to mean.
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But the only way you can emotionally, intimately connect with someone else is through sex.
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Sex is a bonus, but there's definitely more to intimacy than just sex.
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That's right.
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And so public displays of affection.
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So when we talk about it, we're talking about it.
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We
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talk about physical boundaries.
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We're talking about, I'm a physical person in my environment and you are a physical person in your environment.
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And how do we, how do we connect?
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Yeah.
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You make it sound so boring.
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Public displays of affection.
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I mean, there are boundaries there.
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There are.
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There are.
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Um, you know, not everywhere is appropriate to display public displays, right?
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And I say that because, you know, if you're traveling, not just for you to, um, be comfortable with your spouse or your boyfriend or girlfriend.
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In a public area, but also, um, translates to like, if you're traveling, there are certain countries that prohibit certain public displays of affection.
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Some people are PDA people and some people aren't PDA people and you need to discuss that with each other.
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But yes, communicating your level of comfort, comfort when it comes to public displays of affection and regarding your personal space,
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emotional boundaries.
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Emotional boundaries, communicating your feelings, um, well, openly while respecting each other, uh, and respecting each other's emotional needs.
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Yeah.
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Right.
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I'm not responsible.
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You're not responsible for your partner's happiness, right?
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Uh, that might seem.
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Mind blowing to some people.
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Yeah, well, especially like, do you remember the movie Jerry Maguire?
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Yes.
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When that movie came out, Jerry Maguire is like, you complete me.
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No, there's not one person in the whole world that will completely, will they make you a little more App to enjoy things.
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They, they can finish your sentences.
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They think the same way you do in certain things.
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And yet there's no way that there's one person in the whole world that completely you will complete you.
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And then there was this whole culture built or I remember saying the mean Natalie joking around.
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We were early dating.
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Oh, you complete me.
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Like.
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It's such a weird thing.
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And then it's the
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love goggles.
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Do you want to be responsible for another person's happiness based on your behavior?
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Cause that's really what it is.
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If I'm responsible for your happiness, that means my behavior cannot trigger you, offend you, uh, hurt you, uh, even poke you in any way, shape, or form.
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And I'm responsible for that.
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That means I would spend so much time trying to control my behavior to make you happy that I would never, I would be unhappy.
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That's right.
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Speaking of controlling one's behavior.
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You have to be so incredibly mindful that everyone expresses emotion differently.
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And your relationship should be a safe space for you to express that emotion, however it needs to come out.
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I need to express my emotion and if I keep it in, it's volatile.
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I have to let it out.
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And now there's also an air of responsibility on how I choose to let that out.
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Um, but I have to, not that I need your permission.
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Um, to release that, but there has to be an understanding of just because you don't process emotion the same way I do doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to.
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Oh, that's, that's a really good point.
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We
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talk about emotional boundaries.
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It is not sequestering someone's need to emotional event or like an emotional output.
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Right.
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I, so here's, here's the thing is that like I would, uh, would compare to this.
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I know a couple been in my life that are quite emotional, like emotional as in they, they are emotionally
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in tune.
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Well, they're emotionally in tune.
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I actually really think they do.
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They're really emotionally in tune with themselves, but they're also really, um, like outwardly expressive with their emotions, right?
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Like a guy I know will hear a song and it'll just hit him in his heart.
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And he's a, he's, this is the thing.
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He's an expressive manly guy, like, and he's super manly, but he's expressive on the outside.
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And so that's not how I express emotion.
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Right,
